Crying Is Windex

pitas
Minna/Tetue
Led Zeppelin

im a liar
well I lied about it being my last entry. Something has come up. I am a selfish jerk who needs to suffer like all the people i made suffer in the past four years. I had an extreme argument with mindy, whom I love dearly. I said something very harsh and I wasnt being a friend or anything but a complete ass hole bastard. All I could do is cry all night. I thought about a lot of things, not just my problems with her but my problems with life, and I cleaned out my closet. I cant really say how because I do not care to share that information. I called mindy up and apologized for last night, though I know it is basically meaningless because what happened happened. But I do know that I can control the future and not allow me to ever do anything like last night again, and I am very sure nothing like it will again. I love mindy she is a beautiful person and I would never want to ruin our friendship. But unfortunately I did that last night because i spoke before I thought about consequences. I seem to have done that a lot in the past four years. I walked with Trent tonight and he and I had a pretty good talk. Mindy accepted my apology but I feel like crap for still doing what I did to her. I feel a lot better today because last night I thought about everything in my life for a long time. I feel that I got a lot lifted off my shoulders and I woke up happy this morning. Not happy for what I did to Mindy but happy for some other reasons, I am not sure why i just feel like maybe last night was really good for me in a way. I got a lot off my mind. I feel cleaner now and a whole lot better for some reason, I havent been upset at all today except for what I did to Mindy. But when I called her I felt better, I dont know why, I just felt better. I dont really feel angry at myself anymore I now just look at the future, But I dont know if I have changed, I told myself I had before and I ended up doing what I did last night. So I dont know if I have changed because I havent been around anybody except Trent today. He and I talked and i didnt once worry about what I told him, I felt like nothing bothered me. Usually when I talk about my problems I get bothered by them and feel horrible, but today I felt like I was just talking with him like a normal talk. I know no matter what I hurt people in the past. I cant just suddenly make everything better, but I can prevent things from happening again and I feel like I have control now, Like i am my own person again. So I will control my future.

Crying is Windex
Well, hmm I may not ever add another blog to my pitas site, I feel like i have nothing to say anymore about anything. People dont care what I have to say because it is all Trivial and useless, so I guess this is the end of Lleh, or maybe it isnt, who knows. I just feel like I have nothing important anymore, I have gotten over all my mixed feelings and aggressions that i have had for the past four years. So nothing really bothers me anymore.